Written By: Elizabeth Bloemen, MD, MPH, University of Colorado; and Kristin Burki, MSW, The National Clearinghouse on Abuse in Later Life, a project of End Domestic Abuse Wisconsin
Like many people across the country, we were met with the news of the killing of filmmakers Rob and Michelle Reiner with a sense of shock and grief. Much of the public conversation has rightly focused on remembering Rob Reiner’s lasting impact on film and American culture, and on honoring both Rob and Michelle for who they were beyond their public accomplishments. At the same time, questions have surfaced following this act of violence. The arrest of their adult son has prompted discussion about mental health, substance use, and the complex ways families try to care for loved ones in crisis.
As elder abuse professionals, we immediately noted that what has been largely absent from public conversation is another critical reality their deaths bring into focus: the seriousness of elder abuse.
There is a persistent and dangerous myth that aging somehow protects people from violence or safeguards them from abuse. In reality, elder abuse is tragically common, and it is often perpetrated by a loved one—an adult child, a romantic partner, or another trusted family member. In some cases, the person causing harm is struggling with mental health challenges or substance use, and the older adult continues trying to help, protect, or maintain the relationship. This can place older adults at heightened risk, especially when combined with dependence, isolation, or limited outside support. The Reiner case is one example, but it is far from isolated.
Research estimates that approximately one in ten older adults living in their homes experience elder abuse each year (Acierno et al., 2010; Beach et al., 2010; Lachs et al., 2011; Rosay & Mulford, 2017) and that an estimated 5 million older adults experience abuse, neglect, or exploitation annually (U.S. DOJ, 2014). Yet research also suggests that cases of elder abuse are significantly underreported (Pillemer et al., 2016). One state study found fewer than 5% of cases come to light (Lachs et al., 2011).
Compounding the harm of abuse itself is the isolation that often surrounds it. Elder abuse often goes unrecognized and undetected. When abuse is missed or minimized, risk escalates—and opportunities to intervene are lost, often leading to devastating consequences.
Ageism plays a powerful role in this invisibility. As a society, we often devalue older adults, view them as less capable or less relevant, and normalize loss, dependency, or diminished autonomy as an inevitable part of aging. Older adults’ concerns may be dismissed, their choices second-guessed, or their voices overlooked in everyday interactions and decision-making. In the context of elder abuse and family violence, these same assumptions can be especially dangerous. Older adults are less likely to be believed, and communities invest fewer resources in services and responses that are truly age-relevant. The result is that older victims of family and intimate partner violence are too often unseen—by neighbors, by systems, and sometimes even by those trying to help.
In the most extreme of cases, elder deaths often go uninvestigated, with medical examiners and coroners offices routinely releasing cases of elder death with minimal review. This is due to systemic pressures those offices face but can lead to missed cases of homicide, particularly when less obvious means are used such as strangulation.
So, what can we do?
First, we need to see older adults who are at risk. If you are worried about an older neighbor, friend, or family member, reach out. Isolation, sudden changes in behavior, fearfulness around a particular person, or increasing dependence paired with control are warning signs that deserve attention. If something feels wrong, trust that instinct and seek guidance from local resources such as adult protective services or aging services and domestic violence organizations.
For professionals and policymakers, prevention means building responses that reflect the real risks older adults face—by funding age-appropriate services, improving investigation of suspected abuse, and developing holistic, family-centered responses that support not only the victim, but also treat the person causing harm. Effective prevention depends on action before violence escalates, not after tragedy occurs.
And most importantly, if you are an older adult who is being hurt—or if you are afraid—you are not alone, and help is available. There are people and organizations in many settings who care deeply about your safety, dignity, and well-being, including aging services, domestic violence programs, health care providers, faith leaders, and others you trust. You deserve to be believed, supported, and safe.
As we remember Rob and Michelle Reiner and the impact they had on those around them, their deaths offer an opportunity to confront an often-overlooked reality: the severity of elder abuse. We all must take elder homicide seriously and face uncomfortable truths about violence in our families and communities, at every age. By naming it and acting, we create the possibility of safety and dignity for everyone in our community.
If you are concerned for your safety or that of a loved one, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit www.thehotline.org. You can also find your local adult protective services office at https://www.napsa-now.org/help-in-your-area/ or find your local elder abuse resources at https://eldercare.acl.gov/home.
The National Clearinghouse on Abuse in Later Life (NCALL) is a national resource center addressing abuse in later life, providing tools for professionals of many disciplines, including a Safety Planning Guide for Older Adults, which addresses the unique realities and barriers older people face.
This blog is the opinion of the author and does not represent a position of the University of Colorado.